World Down Syndrome Day!
It was on 21st March every year. For this year, it was yesterday.
I remembered once I applied for the special education course in the IPG for the primary school. But I was very sad because I didn't get that course, the one that I want. I really want. Instead, I need to further studies in RBT thou.
I was never regret. Because I know, Allah had put me, where I should be, the best one.
I, once having quality talks with my very best friend, Hikmah. We talked about what if, what if I was placed in special education school, I don't even know, what my life would have been. I'm glad that I'm here. In a normal school.
Because, I don't know whether I could handle my patience, my anger, my short-tempered.
Hikmah also shared with me that her housemate shared something to her that in special education schools, the teachers need double triple sabar more than in normal school.
Why?
The kids there, somehow they don't want to eat, tantrum, peeing in their pants and some more.
If I was there, would I survive? I don't know, seriously.
Can I clean all the mess?
Because here, tbh. In normal school, I still in process to be a real teacher, I mean the real one. The teacher who's gonna wipe the 'hingus budak', taking care of the kids who was peeing in their pants in their classroom, puke, terbuang air besar and many more.
I've been there, but I still don't know what to do. I feel like, I dont want to care about it. I dont wanna do that. I just asked the kids to do this and that. Everything.
Everything. Is. On. Themselves.
I just can give instructions to them. I know, somehow, I'm not a good teacher. The real teacher yet. Please, please, do pray for me.
And today, two things happened. There's one kid, was puke in the class and this one kid, peeing in his pants before going back, in some other classes.
I asked him why he didn't ask me to go to the toilet? Its not because I didn't give permission to him to go to the toilet, he said. Somehow, that things happened even in his previous school.
And I said, oh okay. It's not my fault then.
Luckily, he clean all the mess by himself, and its really was before the school ends.
The kids, who was puked, I need to clean the mess somehow because I'm his class teacher.
What should I do? What the other teachers do, maybe?
The good teacher "MAYBE" will clean all the mess. Care for the kids.
What did I do? (I just try don't want to care, but my heart, I'm having inner conflict, oh God)
I called him, and asked him to clean all the mess, by giving him instructions. I'm not touching even a bit of his chair, himself and the tissues there. He did everything. By himself. I just give him my last tissues to wipe the chair. That's the best I can do, for him, for now.
Sometimes, I just hate myself for being toooooooo err; too penggeli.
Hopefully, I will changed for the better.
That's all I wanna share. Since yesterday was WDSD, and today that two things happened, now I realized, why Allah put me here, in a normal school, not in special education school.
Please, pray for me; to be a better teacher ❤
